you know, trials -for me,at least- is a welcoming relief from all other burdens...all I have to do is bury my head in books and surround myself with facts and figures (and probably worry about results) but that's it...everything else in the world seem to be put on hold to make way for  exams...but as soon as add maths paper2 ended, reality hit me...hard on the head...

wish I could find a right time to tell someone who would understand, tell me what to do and listen to me as I cry my heart out...someone who wouldn't think it's trivial and laugh it off just like that...change is for the better, they say...it's just that i miss what used to be...ahh,well..i AM jealous of those who can act as if nothing in the world can weigh them down...

all this a result of PMS??...ahh, think what you want...

Oh, how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive if only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning my forever
Everything I need is You
-all for love, hillsong-

but there'll always be Him...

19 days to trials or so junni says...i wonder if she's sticking to the timetable she planned for herself...i hate having to push everything aside and concentrate on studying something that i WILL forget once exams are overs...not that i remembered anything i studied when i was in f3 anyway...i feel like a robot, with feelings...

i got a pleasant surprise today =D and i realised how much i miss some people during the holidays...hmmm...sometimes life's lessons come in the most unexpected ways, when you thought that you're all secure and going to be happy, *boom* everything turned out.....weird...have you guys seen this 'financial management' ad where they portray the life of a woman through the photo frame?? it was so CREATIVE and i love it so much..in the end they wrote something like: life is complicated enough...blahblah one of the cutest ads i've seen these days...

even among friends, i find it hard to feel a sense of belonging sometimes...i feel estranged, uncomfortable even...i wonder, how many people can i truly sit down and talk with comfortably without even trying too hard nowadays?? maybe it's the after-effect of the incident? i dont know...i'm just glad i still have my 'best' friends and ex-'best' friends...HAHAHA...anyway, i heard this song : THIS IS HOME- switchfoot...

this week is filled with so many out-of-routine i dont know where to start...

hmm..i just came back from the PSPA international ensemble where 8 musicians from HK, korea, USA etc played violins, viola, bassoon, clarinet, double bass, cello, French horn...hmm..it was not bad, i guess...but don't take my opinions too seriously considering i'm music illiterate...but it was cool listening to those classical pieces and just sit back and relax...some examples are 'ave maria' and 'music of the night'...i really like watching the HK violinist play..i think people who fully understand and appreciate the aesthetic aspect of music should go instead of me...but i got free tickets, so.....now you know why i was there...

a really stupid random thought: call me lame or whatever, but i seriously think some of the parts that they played resembled those 'background music' that you usually hear in Mickey Mouse cartoons...you know, those old mickey cartoons during our time...yeah, i know i'm crazy...

and...i made sandwiches today...i love really huge sandwiches, so dumped a lot of junk in it...but there was enough for everyone...arrghhh...felt really bad...but i didnt have enough time to make more...this thing caused me to be NEARLY late to school (prefects time lah)...

on thursday, i went for an outing with my cousins and watched wall-e...it was okaayy, not too bad...but so-called heartless me didnt feel that there was anything special about the animation...the plot is too predictable...but the characters are unique in a way...i have a feeling the smaller beh is bankrupt-ing...

on wednesday, we went for potluck dinner with ms.dena...i brought steamed egg and there was a lot of food, really...i was stuffed and feeling kinda sleepy during tuition...and there were discussions about olympics...

yeahh..in the midst of all these, the olympics is going on...badminton: we're through to final (only for men's singles)...archery, swimming: bleak prospect for a medal...cycling: keeping my fingers crossed...taekwondo, diving etc: no news as of now..

other countries: michael phelps is doing EXTREMELY well...federer is doing EXTREMELY bad, lost in the first round...etc etc etc....and watch out for the 100m race...it should be pretty competitive...

ohh yeah...the NS results are out...(is it only for the first batch?)...i'm not chosen...i dont know whether to jump or to cry...i guess different people have different opinions...but still, i think there will a lot of fun at the camp, if you choose to think of it optimistically...i dont really understand the point of whining and finding excuses not to go just because you have to wash your own clothes, eat a bit of spicy food, wake up early etc...i mean, that's the whole point- to force you to grow up and be independent...but that's just me...

the whole week was spent in 3 hornY...and i had a lot of fun at my place...!!!!

hmm...that's pretty much it...i'll just keep the rest to myself...gotta study harder for trials...i'm beginning to get sick of having so many accounts classes during holidays...

it's over, at last...and my life is going to be back to normal (or at least i hope it will)...

hmmm...let's just say i got to look at a lot of things at different perspectives today...and well, i guess it's good to learn to grow up and be independent sometimes...hmm...surprise.. surprise... i actually felt quite immune and numb already...

shocking how some people can be so childish and screw up their life with some instinctive, impulsive, whatever-you-call-it actions...just a random thought...but hey, when someone found out and your little dark secret is exposed, denying it will only make you look like some 'desperado''...don't wanna admit it? why do it in the first place?...

JUDGEMENTS...judging by the rate at which we're judging people and being judged ourselves, you'd think judgement day is here already...like you and i are wise enough to decide what's right and what's wrong...we're all so different- our mindsets, upbringings, interests, characters...must we be the same to be really close again?...we all make the same mistakes, why do we even judge others?

"...the world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance."
- Two-Face, with his unbiased, unprejudiced, fair coin-

random quote form 'the dark knight' starring BATMAN...loves bruce wayne, dislikes christian bale...

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
-this is your life, switchfoot-

yeahh..this is MY life...but it sure doesn't seem like i'm living it...phheeww...i'm tired of defending myself and pleasing everyone...give me a break...don't judge, will you?

ohhh, i love lunch at grandma's on sundays where there's so much noise and merriment surrounding me with good food on the table and two 'beh's (i mean, three) to cuddle...hahaha...no, i don't cuddle them actually...

life (and people) is so unpredictable...

and i'm feeling super-high now...(God answered my prayers...He REALLY listened!!)..after feeling so 'down in the dumps' in school...weeeheeee....

we had a great workout during PJ today...and that's about the only meng-happy-fying thing that happened in school today that i can think about...otherwise, it's pretty....some people'll know..

anyway...science and maths farewell was great...thanks to kimberly and gang...great food, great company etc...this was the only farewell that we really mixed with the juniors...wetting people with water and going crazy...oh, i finally understood the feeling of having someone towering over you...it's scary alright...*zhihui, i can understand your feeling when you're standing beside me now...i'll try and merendahkan diri next time...*

and we won the merit award for c4r!!!...free trip to genting...not bad eh? considering the fact that we didnt really put that much effort into it...i really wished more people could come though...i would be really happy if we go as a class or something...hehehehe...and i'm not even sure whether i can go...*sighs*

"Maybe redemption has stories to tell 
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell 
Where can you run to escape from yourself? 
Where you gonna go? 
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here"

i just find this part of the song really ermm fascinating...dunno why...reminds me of the time 
spent singing in the bus and the dorm...i was so care-free i miss those moments sometimes... 

listening to: Steven Curtis Chadman's Cinderella
-recommended by mayjet-

okay...what to write about?

i talked to glenna during physics today...i wasn't really listening to what teacher was saying...had we sat there a little longer, i would have told her A LOT OF stuffs...and we were talking about those primary school and early sec days...i realised how much i miss some of my old friends...and how i wish that i could just have a moment with them and catch up on each other's lives...we are all in the same school now...but sometimes, all we exchange is a smile or a greeting and that's it...wish there was more to it, seriously...

but nway...we had the senamrobik thing today...and it was lame...one hour of senamrobik wont make us more cergas...and people standing at the back were like having picnic...why cant they -whoever is responsible- come up with better ideas?

sooo...while everyone's studying for trials, i'm going out tomorrow to watch THE DARK KNIGHT...i've been waiting for it since like last year...it better be good...

i dunno what to say anymore...except that i'm really happy and perfectly contented with my life as it is now...i wish everyone is more caring and sensitive to others...hmmm...that was random...

i wish that sms-es are FREE OF CHARGE so that i can sms people i really wish to talk to right now...okay, i know some sms-es are FOC...not mine, though...my stupid postpaid plan charges skyrocketing high price for sms-es to other operators...bleehhh..

hmmm...any other wishes? loads, if you ask me...

"Some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
and some have greatness thrust upon 'em"
Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

hmmm...i wonder which category do i belong to? or am i even 'great'?...it seems such a big word...

i've been bringing a camera to school almost everyday this week (for edi purposes) but sometimes, i feel like capturing memories of every detail of my life in school...every single happening, every laugh, the moments of silence, the little things that can make me so happy (and so ermm annoyed)...

i wish i'm invisible sometimes...i was really tempted to take out the camera during physics and start snapping photos of everyone...some sleeping, some really active and asking questions, some wide awake but dreaming...and me? my whole row was listening, but not understanding...and we were joking and questioning each other to keep us awake...that friday's physics class really help elevated my mood...

(and i was actually teaching glenna the tune of the 'cinderella song'...#cinderelly, cinderelly.....# cant rmb the lyrics)

i wish we could have pj lessons everyday...just running around the field, chasing the ball or playing badminton or having a skipping rope race...but best of all, being in the hall, whacking and 'slicing' ping pong balls with my 'sparring' partner...(sparring is probably not the right word, but i like the sound of it)...i sweated even more when i'm playing ping pong than when i ran 1500 km around the field...

and on to saturday (12/7)...

gb meeting first thing in the morning...came to school to be greeted with a 'surprising' sight...thank goodness jiafoong walked in the door a few minutes after me and wheee, i pulled her out with me...we walked around the school, talking...ice-breaker was good, zhihui...better than previous ones, anyway...praise and worship?? i thought it was meant to be your moment with God? not some 15 minutes of fame or fun??..but it's our last meeting, right?..so,nvm..

looking back, i wish they wouldn't try to overdo some things sometimes...once is okay, twice is bearable, but after that, it becomes annoying...ahhh, well...

ohh, yeahh...do try to pay more attention to people around you...especially people whom you call a 'friend'...because sometimes, you might not be a friend to her at all...of course, we can't care for everyone all the time...but maybe, all we need is some effort and a rude awakening...and probably EYES to see what is happening...and this isn't about me...

blleeehhh...i guess i can be overly possessive sometimes...somebody, help me!!!

i actually managed to escape from my online addiction, which had became quite serious in the days after the holidays...even thought of not blogging or online-ing until trials are over...fat hope,huh??

it's been an EVENTFUL week...so much happenings, events, news that i really dunno what to and what NOT to write about...a lot of feelings and opinions have been bottled up and stuffed in my head...and well..let me try sort it all out,ok??

HARI ANUGERAH was okayyy..pretty boring  but if you happened to pay attention when dr.ting was delivering his speech, you'll notice that he's actually quite a 'wise' guy...long-winded, no doubt but errmm his speech has 'substance' in it...and i really admire his ability to talk so casually and spontaneously without any paper...he was speaking about our motto OUR UTMOST FOR THE HIGHEST...and he actually introduced a whole new perspective to it...

i used to think of it as like 'giving your ALL to be the best and achieve a higher standard'...but the way he spoke about it is like 'doing your best and giving your ALL for HIM'...that's where 'the highest' came from...it's just something i was thinking about..since it is OUR school after all...

next, gb camp...i didnt really talk about this to anyone...but yeah..i enjoyed myself TREMENDOUSLY in camp...i'm so glad we managed to get ourselves into the same dorm...i was kinda sulky and moody on the first day due to groups, condition of dorms (you guys know i am lizard-phobic) etc...but hey, it's not that bad...i laughed my head off several times, MANY times actually especially during meals...and zhihui was super-lame, as usual...i loved the prisoner war game...if only there were more water balloons....

and high praise was great, as many would say...and well...most happy and sweet memories are with my friends, some with juniors and my errmm 'weird and diverse' group members...i really enjoyed the times in the dorm, singing ALOUD with jess...laughing about AVE and hehex, muah muah etc....gosh, it was crazy...and i'm glad i went this year...

oh yeah..the speaker, uncle Ronald Yap was GREAT...i actually wished there were more sessions this year...i guess maybe it was because he kinda understands us...and maybe it was because he came off as someone really humble and honest...not pretending as if we were kids but actually came out, admitted and embraced the fact that we ALL have our own little secrets and problems...he's ermm the 'best' speaker we'd had so far??

not gonna say anymore...enough for today...my 'phalanges' (fingers) are tired...hahaha..maybe i'll ramble and crap some other time...

i've totally forgotten what i wanted to blog today...aiihh..never mind...

i finally went out with my two 'drivers' for supper...had to sacrifice a 'trip' to sushi king for accounts tuition, in which i practically learnt nothing at all...i regretted it like mad...

GB camp group lists finally came out...and i'm stuck with people i barely know...greaaatt...so much for being excited about this whole camp thing...guess we'll just have to try and get to know new people (i'll have a hard time doing that)...

we played football again this week!!!..totally ignored teacher's instructions to stay in trinity hall and wait for our turn for SEGAK...whooaa..we were so fired up that we won 2-0...we also had this skipping rope race..and dawn looked just like a small kid jumping around...

blah blah blah blah...whole week was pretty normal...and if i were to write everything out in detail, it would probably bore you to death...

lack of sleep lately...i cannot keep my eyes open during bio and sejarah lessons anymore...it's not that i don't want to listen, it's just my eyes that keep closing and my brains will just go off...i was dozing off during one sejarah lesson and kayee was doing her karangan...suddenly, i heard her asking me "what is the full term for sivik ah?"...i thought for a while and muttered smtg like "pendidikan sivik kebangsaan..." and my mind went off again...PENDIDIKAN SIVIK KEBANGSAAN?? come to think of it, it's a pretty stupid answer...sorry, pn.*****, i really wanted to pay attention...

note to self: get more than 7 hours of sleep everyday..i can't survive if i sleep less than that...

oh yeah, people, be ready for my mood swings...hormonal changes occuring in my body, i think...just hope it'll end before GB camp starts...

aiihh...i just realised how much i miss pn.haliza lately...she really helped me A LOT...especially in f3 and in edi...she would give me lots of encouragements and explain my mistakes...i guess she was one of the teachers who actually cared about how i was doing in school...these teachers are so extinct nowadays...

"ethics and politics don't make good bedfellows..." how true...cronyism, 'bribes' etc...it's present everywhere, even in a simple institution: school...how hard is it to try and be fair when you have the power to bend rules and shut mouths...oh, well...we're just normal citizens, aren't we??

anyway, it's time to get my seven-hour sleep...oohhh,gonna wish those olympiad maths participants GOOD LUCK...they'll need lots of that..

i was tagged by audrey and yiwen (i think)...not sure...and i'm kinda sick of proving add maths formulas...

8 Things I'm Passionate About
(passionate??)

1. books- i love reading about people's ideas and 'philosophies'...mostly fiction stuffs..
2. music- relient k MOSTLY...not rock songs lahh, but hmm..pop, ballads etc...
3. getting along with friends (??)
4. cartoons- especially when i'm stressed and in need of a hearty laugh..
5. GOOD food- or pics of good food..
6. doing my job as president well...
7. dunno??-
8. -

8 Things I Said Too Often

1. lame
2. errmm
3. aiihhh
4. whatever
5. dunno
6. well
7. gosshhh
8. yooo

8 Books I Read Recently

1. jeffrey archer Prison Diary
2. geraldine brooks March
3. david hewson The Seventh Sacrament
4. all textbooks we're required to read to pass exams
5. a book about Leonardo Da Vinci- for the quiz
6. billi lim's dare to fail -found it in a cupboard, and out of boredom,started to leaf through the book...it tells me what i already know, quotes bla bla...
7. national geographic- smtg about bethlehem and refugees
8. -how recent is recently??-

8 Songs I Can Listen Over and Over Again

1. lifehouse Disarray
2. relient K Come Right Out and Say It
3. relient K Down In Flames
4. one republic- Apologise
5. one republic- Prodigal

blaah i listen to random songs...and there are a whole lot more songs that i like...been listening to one republic, relient K, teddy greiger (jess's influence), daughtry recently...used to like korean songs...still like them, but i find it quite frustrating that i cant understand the lyrics...

8 Things I've Learned In The Past Year

1. there WILL BE people who are better than you at everything...
2. so dont fall, cry and indulge in self-pity...get up, laugh it off and get to the top...
3. dont put too much expectations on how other people should treat you...
4. sometimes things you wish for comes unexpectedly when you're not thinking about it...
5. feelings (happiness, anger, sorrow, passion) just come and go if you don't nurture them enough..
6. there's no point in worrying too much about school stuffs...it'll all end some day, anyway...
7. praises are just another form of pressure and expectations...i prefer not to be showered by them...
8. where there's sorrow and disappointment, there's bound to be some joy and happiness hidden within... - it's what i believe in MOST...

ohh..and one more...

9. the so-called 'law of attraction' may work well enough, but it's not easy to abide by it...

i found this poem in Jeffrey Archer's Prison Diary Vol2...and i thought it is really profound and interesting...read through every line properly and you'll notice the truth of it...

THE THOUSANDTH MAN
One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it's worthwhile seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth Man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin (against) you.

'Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for 'ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em go
By your looks, or your acts, or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him.
The rest of the world don't matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of 'em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man h's worth 'em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong's your wrong, and his right's your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men's sight --
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can't bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot -- and after!

-Rudyard Kipling- (sounds familiar??he's the guy who wrote our poem 'If'...)

so what do you guys think??this Kipling guy is really good...his poems are more towards facts and realities in life...and it is kind of true...the thousandth man (assuming 'man' is universal and applies to both sexes)..hmmm...well..i wonder if i have found my thousandth one by now...i guess there ARE a few people who i would put in that category but there are not much hardships that we have to go through at this age so yeahh..you can never really tell yet...

anyway...i FINISHED reading Geraldine Brook's 'March'...and it was FABULOUS...it is errmm a bit classical-style but the book really covers a wide range of themes...not only of love, but also about human rights, freedom, sacrifice etc...anyone interested?? i'm ever-willing to lend it to any fan of Louisa May Alcott's 'Little Women' or those who like books about the effects of war on people...and i heard Joanna Loh is doing it for her literature lessons in Australia...how cool...

i wont be updating much after this...aiihh...trial exams are drawing nearer...and the exam results that i got today wasn't too disappointing...it was errm a mixture of emotions...sadness, excitement, happiness etc...i am quite sure i'll do better in trials, if i study hard enough...tomorrow's gonna be a harder day to face though...

ps. i really need to know who has my books now??...i dunno where my Mitch Albom's books have gone to...and zhihui has James Patterson, right??..

have been sleeping quite late these few days, around 1 or 2a.m...due to my increased obsession with online-ing...i really have to get back to the old schoolday routine and sleep earlier...or else i'll walk around the school like a zombie on monday...

anyway, i've been watching FULL HOUSE again nowadays...and i realised that it really can make me laugh no matter how many times i've watched it...and it's pretty romantic,too...with a lot of heartaches and love-sickness in between...watching it NOW from a fresh new perspective is like watching it for the first time...

it's the same with books, really...as you grow and mature, you begin to look at things differently...and well, most of the things you didn't really understand last time begins to make sense...so yeaahh...reading a book again after a long time can be really fun sometimes...

i can watch YOUTUBE again!!!..using the laptop, though...so, i've been listening to a few songs...and just wondering...have you ever had this weird feeling like when you're listening to a song, and get really carried away by the tune (or lyrics) until you begin to think weird 'emotional' stuff and then just fall into this really reflective mood??? it has happened to me quite a lot...

Watching dramatic stuff really gets me all soft sometimes; main reason why I dont like them in the first place...

maybe i should stop watching 'full house' and start getting on with my homework??bbleaarggh...i can't believe i'm saying this but I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL...i don't want to listen to all the complains about ping pong meetings on monday, just STOP...i don't want to be loaded with homework again...i don't want to know my marks for mid-year, i'm better off feigning ignorance...i don't want to spend seven hours of my day trying hard to concentrate when i can't...i don't want to face those people who will break my heart...

btw, listen to click five-empty if you have the time...it's nicee..

*drools*...love the pastries??...then check out heavenly galore
stumbled upon it when i started scouting for interesting blogs to read...and it's really a good read...lots of nicely-taken photos of delicious-looking food...*drools again*...don't visit the blog  with an empty stomach, though...

it's amazing how those chefs can whip up pastries and desserts so CHARMING and ARTISTIC that you can't bear to eat it...and to think that those students (yes, they're JUST students) get to bring home loads of pastries everyday...gooossshhh...so nicely-decorated some more...and they seem to do so little theory stuff in school...

guess what?? i'm tempted to study in a 'baking school' or 'cooking school' (if it exists) now...i totally LOVE food...and i can just imagine myself baking stuff in a kitchen, wearing those chef uniform...aaahhhh...the interesting part is: even the guy chefs are darn cutee...

sorry...i'm just rambling here...

i am, or rather was, in a reflective mood now..so bear with me...

you know when people see small puppies, they'll usually go "OOHHH!!!OMG...they're so CUTE!!!" in that kind of high-pitched voice...
but when the dog grows, somehow our affection for them dies simply because the dog lost its 'cute-ness'...people'll probably go like "oohhh...errmmm..haha..nice dog you have there..."..(although i DO think that the dog below is cuteee)

anyway, the question i really want to ask is this: why is it that as we grow older, the whole world seems to judge you more and more?..gone are those days when our mistakes are overlooked, every single thing we did seemed funny and ohh, so cute...

everyone seems to be against teenagers...why are we forced to write nonsensical crap against ourselves in exams??..terangkan sebab-sebab generasi muda kini mudah terjebak dalam gejala sosial yang mencemarkan nama baik masyarakat...isn't it kinda stupid that we just regurgitate what the world knocked into our heads?? that people our age always does stuff that brings shame to the society...and what do we write?? belakangan ini, kadar jenayah oleh golongan remaja semakin meningkat. (although we dont even know if it's for real..) Remaja kini semakin berkelakuan liar dan melibatkan diri dalam gejala sosial seperti melepak dan ponteng sekolah.

seriously, i dont remember how i started to rebel against my parents...but i do remember reading A LOT about teenagers being rebellious and hard to manage...and somehow, i was influenced by the idea that teenagers=rebellious...i guess i'm giving my parents a hard time...partly because i'm the first teenager (of 'many' to come) that they have to handle...but i have my own opinions about a lot of issues...and i hate the fact that they just WOULDN'T listen to other people besides themselves...probably my fault, too since i keep most of my thoughts to myself...

and sometimes, i feel like they don't know me enough...but they act like they do...and start JUDGING again...hey i tried, ok?? i tried to correct my failures and overcome my shortcomings...there are times when i really want to tell them what's happening in my school life...but they just seem so busy...and guess what??..we hardly have much of a relationship left...so much tears shed, so many things left unsaid, and it always returns to the start...

i need closure...

ps. dont worry bout me...i'm perfectly fine...that was not what i had intended to write...but it will do...

i'm back....

i'll just summarise what i did in penang for the past four days without a pc or internet connection..basically, it's EATING, which includes indulging in cones and cones of ice-cream and kit-kats, sleeping, making full use of ASTRO, walking around the house, SHOPPING...lots of good food in penang and it's dirt CHEAP...bought a pair of shoes and got my grandpa to buy us books...and and and...I CHANGED MY HAIRSTYLE...again...dont ask how i look like now...

life ROCKS and seriously, i wouldnt mind living there...the only drawback: no Internet connection...i could go on and on about penang but i'll just spare you guys the ...... (darrnn..my brain is failing me...i know the word is in my head somewhere!!!)

oohh, just to make jessica feel bad, i ate chee cheong fun on saturday morning...the one with the black goo-ey sauce that doesnt come with chee cheong funs in ipoh...it's called har kow, btw..

anyway, i called Esther on friday night before she goes back to KL...and we had this serious talk...it was more serious than i had ever expected...Esther was doing most of the talking, errmm...advising actually...she said that from what she and her mom saw in JJ, i had become more "withdrawn" and quiet...but i'll prefer to use the word 'reserved'...maybe it's just that the stuffs they discussed didn't really interest me...so i was more of a listener...and well, maybe i'm too absorbed in my own thoughts...or maybe i have changed A LOT...i dunno...

it's holidays...so dont wanna bore you guys with every little detail of what's going on in my mind...but it does help to get some off these things off your mind, huh?

REVIEWS
watched indiana jones, but not narnia...sad..all i've got to say is that if you have a mind like mine, dont go for indiana jones...director: steven spielberg, actors: harrison ford and shia la beouf...impressive,huh?? it didnt seem to live up to my expectations though...some of the scenes are ridiculous and illogical...seems like i'm watching a cartoon...using a SNAKE to pull a person out of a QUICKSAND??..quite a lot of 'loopholes' in the plot...i didnt really enjoy it...my brain was too busy disagreeing with the movie that i didnt quite understand some of the parts...

read THE SEVENTH SACRAMENT by David Hewson...you'll find it a bit confusing and mixed up at the beginning...but as the plot develops, everything becomes clearer and whooaa...you declare it a great book...but to me, the ending is too simple...it didnt quite do the readers justice...i expected something more profound and ooommpphh...but it's a good book, really...just wondering though, why cant male writers leave 'sex' out of their novels just once??

reading MARCH by Grealdine Brooks...and enjoying it tremendously!!!!...it's like a branch off Little Women and Good Wives...and i loved those two books...this one is darker and 'wiser', i guess...lots of interesting ideas...

going to read PRISON DIARY vol2 by John Grisham...i cant find volume1...but i figure this might be quite interesting since it's about John Grisham's time in jail...thought of buying THE INNOCENT MAN but i'm sure jessica has that book already...why waste money when i can just borrow from her...or maybe we could exchange??

ONE REBUPLIC...i'm into their album-Dreaming Out Loud...not that bad really...i like the song 'Prodigal'...but Relient K still rock big time...no doubt...

-gonna rot from today onwards...but i better start trying to be useful,huh?-

hey,people...dont ask me why i'm here at this ungodly hour...it's 12.20a.m..

anyway, there's a change in my schedule...i'm going to penang tomorrow... nope,today... so,yeah.. i'm free during the 2nd week of holidays though...so sorry for all the adjustments that had to be made...nie outing etc...

went out with esther and gang today...it was quite okay...the organising was really tiring though....we didnt talk as much as i thought we would...but it's probably because there are so many people (actually, only 7 of us) and we didnt have enough time...esther didnt quite change...appearance-wise...but personality-wise, i think she's a bit different somehow...there's just something about her...more God-fearing, sensitive???..i dunno..

i really feel like going out with her some other time...but i wont be here when she goes back...*sobs*...maybe i'll just surprise her with a call all the way from penang...and we could chat like really long...i dont know why but i feel as if i could tell her all my stuffs, my feelings, thoughts and she would understand...i feel like she would be able to relate to what i'm feeling..but i dont know....

haih..i'm feeling quite depressed now..got scolded like mad just now plus my darn hormones...my period caused me a lot of trouble at the fly.fm trip seriously...life better be good in penang or else i'll come back feeling even worse...i'm looking forward to putting on some extra kilos there...but i'll have to shed those fat during my 2nd week of holidays....

have fun...

i'm waiting...waiting...waiting...*haih*

can you believe it? i almost feel asleep in front of the computer screen...that proves how tired i am today...mom told me not to go to tuition so that i could rest and sleep more...but i have a strong feeling she's just too lazy to fetch me...i wanted to go for lunch with kayee and gang after school quite badly...there'll be so many things to laught about...but sorry, people...

TWO-WEEk long holidays are here...i'm not gonna be here on the 2nd week...but i feel like lepak-ing with you guys so much...maybe the first week, then...

TEACHER'S DAY today...and whoa...it was a merry occasion...we do not have to endure long 'perutusan-s' this time...jessica made her first speech as THE head prefect...well, at least she made the effort to mention her ASSISTANTS in the speech...i was kinda surprised her fans didn't just rush in front and snap photos...everything went well...and i had A LOT OF FUN in the performance...it was quite short...and i wished i could do it all over again...why didn't you guys shout "ENCORE!!!" or smtg??

hahaha...we did a 'mime' thing and played the 'Do I Make You Proud' by Taylor Hicks...i loved the first two verses...we had only like 3 hours of practice the day before...turned out quite well, actually...somehow, i think this performance really brought us all closer together (including Chin Hui)...i dunno how long the bond will last but i REALLY enjoyed myself during practices...at least it helped take my mind away from the 'shitty' exam results that i got back...God knows how i felt about this whole exam and results-comparing thing...

then, spent the other half of the school day with jessica trying to locate the lab assistants and office staffs who seem to have disappeared today...but actually, we were talking more than finding them, just walking aimlessly around...UNTIL we bumped into jean-li and kimberly who coerced me into doing something involuntarily...i actually did it because jean-li looked like she could kill me and kimberly looked super-flustered and sweaty...anyway, they owe me a HUGE favour...

games were okay...kinda like the highlight of the whole event...although i actually hoped that our performance would be the 'ooomph' factor of the day...i didnt get to see everything...but overall, it was a pretty interesting day...there were some unhappy moments here and there but i shall just forget about it until the time comes when i have to deal with it...

HAHAHA...lydia, i think you've mistaken the wrong person for 'X'...i almost thought you'll get it right..

*sigh*..i'm still waiting...darn...

whoa...it's been a busy day...just came back from phuiyan's birthday party..and still have a lot of work at hand...gb, mostly...

but i promised lydia to blog about my feelings and thoughts about the party just now because she noticed that i was rather quiet after the game of charade...okay...first thing i noticed: WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT WORLDS...we laugh over different topics, we joke and get noisy at different times...perhaps there is a bridge joining these two worlds, perhaps none exists at all...i'm just glad i chose to sit with dawn, chin and gang in the end...because this is the company that i really enjoy being with and do not have to fake who i am...today is a living proof that the GAP exists and will continue to be there...sometimes, i just don't understand how people can actually live in two SO different worlds at the same time...-my random deep thoughts-

and then, i began to wonder...out of all these people that were here tonight, how many of them would actually stay by Phuiyan's side through thick and thin, sad and happy times??..how many of them sincerely wishes Phuiyan her best and actually try to help and advise her instead of just criticising endlessly??...maybe all of us really have to do some soul-searching and self reflection...

and after knowing that Phuiyan actually bought another cake for Kayee, i felt that it was a rather sweet and kind action...i never would have thought that Phuiyan would do that...but she did...and cliche-ed as it is, it's the heart that matters...

and seeing Lydia cry after hearing Mayjet and Jamie sing their own written song for phuiyan made me realise that some of us actually treasure our friendship SO MUCH...this last year of 'everything-s' means a lot to some of us...the great efforts we put into maintaining the friendships will eventually be appreciated...but i guess to others, it's just a come and go feeling...

and....and...i felt like my heart is so divided into partitions for different people...

but overall, i ENJOYED myself a lot...seriously...i didnt regret going to the party at all...and people got to see another side of me..HAHA...actually, that 'other' side existed a long time ago if you really noticed...there are so many things i have to say but it's nearing my bedtime...and my pile of work is still untouched...

HEY PHUIYAN...i really salute you tonight...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...your mom was really proud when you sang, you know...and so are we!!!!..actually felt like hugging you that time...but yeah..there were too many unknown people...

ps. we're having teacher's day performance tomorrow...and i'm feeling really excited right now...but i'm scared i'll screw up..what with the little practice we had...David Cook sings really well...and i guess i like David Cook more...i like the songs he sang...

so, i'm here again..seems like i have nothing better to do than blog everyday, huh??

anyway, i went blog-hopping today...and i discovered a lot of blogs that really is inspirational, motivational, whatever you call it...reading them opened my eyes to so many important things, so many choices in life, made me realise that these school days aren't really that INFLUENTIAL in our lives later on, that the worst mid-year exams can do to you is cause a little heartbreak and it'll eventually pass...

...not like that statement is gonna ease any of my disappointments...

and well...it made me realise that some friends might be forever after all...i used to roll my eyes when people go "FRIENDS FOREVER!!"...i 'll go "bah, humbug.." to myself...because i didn't really believe in these things then...i just knew that hey, friends come and go...just make the most out of the times you have left with them so there'll be minimal regrets later...why worry about finding TRUE friends now??..you'll have plenty of time to make more friends later in life...

but yeah...that might not be true...some friends will definitely go the extra mile and make effort to actually keep in touch...we might not know every little detail about our friend's life anymore...but those memories and occasional thoughts about them is really what counts...at least, you can be assured that when you send them a mail or smtg, you won't receive a "who are you?" reply...but even that is better than no reply, huh?...and i GUESS the most sincere and thoughtful friends you can get comes from your school life...where friends are usually on our top-priority list...

so...to all my friends out there reading this, FRIENDS FOREVER...okay..that sounded a bit weird coming from me...maybe FRIENDS AS LONG WE CAN will sound better...
                        ____________________________________________

Welcome to the planet 
Welcome to existence 
Everyone's here 
Everyone's here 
Everybody's watching you now 
Everybody waits for you now 
What happens next? 

Welcome to the fallout 
Welcome to resistance 
The tension is here 
The tension is here 
Between who you are and who you could be 
Between how it is and how it should be 
What happens next? 

verses #1 and #2 -Dare You To Move- Switchfoot

admittedly, i'm becoming increasingly worried about my future, tertiary educations etc...back then, it's comforting to know that you have a school to go to every morning, a purpose everyday...i really don't know what'll happen to me after school...but i'll just keep my fingers crossed and give my best...i'm bound to end up somewhere, even if i don't know where it is now...i'll just cling on to the belief that God has everything laid out for me...

but i wouldn't mind studying architecture, photography, literature...and enrolling into a culinary school would be fun...yeah...not really stuff that you would expect from me, huh??..


ps. lydia, i'm waiting for you to finish reading 'memory keeper's daughter' so we can talk about it in school...[warning: spoiler ahead] have you reached the part where Norah slept with another guy yet???...Paul sounds just like the guy for me...=D

was just going through some people's blogs just now...and i saw one of the photos we took during LTC....
kayy...memories came flooding back...it's been a long time since i last felt that way...and well.....ermm...yea.....

and reading another blog entry reminds me of the piling undone homework waiting for me since last last last last week...oopppss..totally forgot about it...better start working on it now...

ps. i read this article by A.Asohan in the 'Stray Thoughts' column in StarMag today...and i totally agree with the writer...never really given much thought in pursuing a Science-related career...but here i am...

this must be my shortest entry yet...